Tiny Mind Gazette

Police BLOG: Post-Blizzard Special Edition

Wapatusset residents proved to be hearty and resourceful New Englanders during last weekend's historic snow storm. But cabin fever quickly swept through the small coastal community as heat and personal hygiene went out the window. While some took off to northern ski cabins, relatives' homes and 5-star hotels, others roughed it out in nearby cafes, desperately seeking warmth, wifi and a bit of "personal space" away from loved ones.

Monday, Feb 11

9:04 a.m. Doe St: Caller reports “homeless person” sleeping in garage. Reports he looks “a bit like Sasquatch... or the Unabomber.” Woman advised to lock garage door and liquor cabinet. 

9:22 a.m Doe St: Officer rouses “homeless person” in garage. Resident discovers it is her husband. Officer lends battery-operated shaver and recommends change of clothes.

11:50 a.m. Harbor Rd Dr: Female calls to request ride to Boston Marriott hotel. Reports preschool children have no one to play with and she has Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). 

3:15 p.m. Oak St: Domestic or wild animal incident. 

Tuesday, Feb 12

8:20 a.m. Lily Dr: Report of smoke and sparks inside residence. Woman with smoking blow dryer jerry-rigged to generator. Officer advises woman to towel-dry instead and wear hat. 

2:33 p.m. Fair Isle Ln: Noise complaint. Neighbor calls to report day #2 of screaming children next door. Sounds of “manic wailing." Officer advises parents to swap Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land board games for Apples to Apples instead.

4:10 p.m. Sawyer St: Officer sent to Fox Hill School to investigate skirmish over cell phone charging apparatus at “warming station.” Investigation ongoing.

Wednesday, Feb 13

5:34 p.m. Oak St: Woman calls to inquire about legality of eating roadkill. Claims neighbor has been cooking wild animals ("and possibly rabid raccoons") on gas grill and is afraid to let her pets outside. Says neighbor has "wild look in his eye." Animal control officer dispatched to scene. 

Thursday, Feb 14

7:45 p.m. North Plain St: Well-being check. Power restored but resident still sitting in dark, reading by candlelight. Officer checks light switches and asks if cable and Internet have been restored. Resident confirms but requests "Don’t tell the kids.”

- by crime correspondent Agent SS

TMG salutes all the hard-working Wapatusset town employees and volunteers who helped keep residents safe, secure and somewhat sane during and after the storm. 

10 Things your mother NEVER said.

1. Tonight is 'talk-with-your-mouth-full night.’ Everybody ready?
2. Finish your dessert or you won't get any vegetables.
3. How many times have I asked you to mess your room up? What are you some kind of neat freak?
4. Take that cleanly pressed collared shirt off and put on this ratty T-shirt, tonight is a special occasion!
5. Pour this cup of sugar on your Fruit Loops then run around the house like a maniac.
6. Please sit closer to the television. You need to strengthen your eyesight.
7. Change your clothes at least 5 times today so I can do some more laundry. I'll be waiting by the washer.
8. You need sit next to your brother in church today. Here’s some chewing gum and a Red Bull. Now I want to hear giggling!
9. Here’s a new BB gun, now go outside and have some fun!
10. For heaven’s sake, put that homework away. The TV’s not going to watch itself!

Partially based on material pilfered from Steve BonDurant’s Facebook page (May 25, 2011), including content provided by Julie Zapata, Lisa Coutermarsh Hall, and Phil Bliss.

 

The official Tiger Mother guide to snow days

Snow days can be fun! Let down your hair and try some of these creative strategies with your kids: 

Science and sledding!

Rule #1: No sledding until you’ve finished PowerPoint on Newton’s second law of physics. Quiz younger siblings on coefficients of friction and value of acceleration due to gravity (9.81m/s²). Child with lowest test score gets broken toboggan.

A “snow fort” is not good enough.

Rule #2: You may build an igloo, but only if it’s perfect. Begin by solving third-degree differential calculus equations on paper, then proceed to measure and carve ice blocks precisely to spec. Ice blocks must be inspected by mother prior to construction. The next part is easy: Simply lay blocks in spiral formation, making sure the dome curves upward at the same time. Remember that four of the six sides of the block must be curved. If dome caves in, start all over again.

Sibling bake-off!

Kick it up a notch from the usual Toll House cookies. Challenge your kids to a bake-off, with you as the judge. The more difficult the recipe, the better. Souffles, Baked Alaska and baklava (no pre-made puff pastry allowed) are all good choices. You can get a lot of mileage out of this activity: The quest for the perfect pie crust could go on for years.

Hooked on classics?

Just for one day, loosen up from the usual Schoenberg and Paganini practice regimes and let them perform some low-brow, mainstream classics with a winter theme. Think ballet and Boston Pops. Children may play piano pieces from the Nutcracker or Vivaldi’s "Winter Sonata" on violin, but only in basement with curtains drawn.

Mommy’s little helpers

To kill more time, make children walk two miles down highway to local Starbucks to get you a venti Americano. If the coffee is cold upon their return, send them back again.

Brownie points

At end of day, child with highest score on winter activities gets three mini marshmallows on top of hot chocolate. Loser gets glass of tap water and spends night in igloo. 

Sally Sisson is a writer, editor and TMG correspondent specializing in parenting, small-town politics, fashion faux pas, and petty crime. Any resemblance to the author of The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is pure coincidence.