Tiny Mind Gazette

Vonco XTreme Dizaster® Suit and Armor

These days, one never knows when an earthquake, hailstorm, hurricane, meteorite or swarm of locusts could hit your neighborhood. Now there’s a comfortable, semi-breathable, partially waterproof suit you can don any day of the year, “just in case”…

Vonco XTreme Dizaster® Suit and Armor

add-on Hurricane Windshield /Visor/ Hair Net and Earthquake Shock-Absorber Platform Shoes sold separately

 Vonco, the makers of the best-selling “Happy Helmet” lightbox and the iSpa®Z mobile cooling device have launched a new line of XTreme weather and natural disaster gear. Popular items include: 

Zip-up All-Weather Parachute Suit 

• Manufactured in China from cheap rain ponchos discarded at sporting events, used fire blankets and an unknown adhesive.
• Product comes with handy food storage pouch and a six-week supply of Pillsbury Space Food Sticks.

Earthquake Shock-Absorber Platform Shoes 

• Style ripped off from the fashionable Famolare 4-wave heel designed of the 1970s.
• Seismic building technology developed by unpaid interns studying Internet diagrams. 

Shock aborber "wave" technology able to withstand shaking amplitude of 3.1. *Remember, in a declared state of emergency, follow instructions from government officials.
In all other instances, follow TMG instead.

- by Technology, Fashion and Crime correspondent, S. Sisson

Snow Removal Woes: One trunkload at a time

Another Irrelevant Observation from Mr. Hypothetical!

Right before the big game in Foxborough, Massachusetts, there is a sudden storm which dumps 16” inches of snow over the 500 acres of Gillette Stadium. The town’s snow removal budget has been drained and no town vehicles will be available to assist in the removal of the 16,000,000 cubic feet of snow.

Sam Adams (no relation to malt/barley beverage spokesperson, Son of Liberty, or former Buffalo Bill), seizes municipal power and requires every passenger vehicle owner to participate in the removal of the entire snowfall.

With a population of 5,550, Foxborough makes up .0018% of the U.S. population of 307,006,550, whom, by the way, own 135,399,945 vehicles classified as passenger vehicles. A quick calculation establishes that there are 2448 passenger vehicles in the quaint New England town.

The most popular car in the U.S. is currently the Honda Accord sedan with trunk space of 14.7 cubic feet.

If everyone in Foxboro were to load the trunk of their Accord with snow, drive over the Rhode Island border to dump it, each Honda Accord would need to make 445 trips!