Tiny Mind Gazette

TMG Tech Product Review: The iSpa® model Z, personal & mobile cooling device

The geniuses behind the Vonko H2 “Happy Helmet” Model VH32.1 have done it again!

Do you feel tied to your air-conditioning unit?
Tired of being housebound on hot days?
Afraid to show your embarrassing sweat stains in public?

Now you can have the cooling comfort of your trusty window unit in a walking suit of armor.

The iSpa (model Z) is a liquid circulating full body-enclosing mobile cooling chamber. The wireless unit is powered by a small, (corn-produced) ethanol-burning, backpack-mounted (like a gas-powered leaf blower) engine (even smaller than the motor used in a Toyota Prius).

The hooded neoprene full-body suite is shaped similar to a beer keg (basically, you look like an unencumbered walking root beer barrel). You not only stay cool, the iSpa allows normal human interaction, thanks to a sophisticated stereophonic audio system and a non-fogging helmet lens. Concerned about backing into something? Fear not, the updated Model X has state-of-the-art electronic back-up sensors, built right in.

Vonko admits that there was a slight problem with earlier models. There was the whole leaking (actually spraying*) issue and the dispersed odor that to some, smelled like a Cineplex concession stand.

The KwikKool iSpa Model Z can be yours for just three payments of $19.99. Send your first payment via cash or Western Union to Vonko c/o Tiny Mind Gazette. Don’t delay!

*picture a 6’ tall, inner-city fire hydrant on a scorching city street, that has been opened up as a sprinkler.

TMG Unplugged: No-tech gadgets and no-naughtiness garments, exclusively for our readers

Having thoroughly enjoyed yesterday’s National Day of Unplugging at Wapatusset Farms (see "Get Your Amish On"), the folks at TMG have decided to extend their vows for a few more days. (Plus, it’s taking longer than anticipated for the fleet of carrier pigeons and rehabilitated seagulls to deliver the hand-cranked letterpress tabloids.)

Unbathed and unshaven, staff members say unplugged feels pretty darn good and want to spread the word.

Inspired by a new line of newfangled products by Reboot—including cell phone sleeping bags and phonekerchiefs (made with silver fibers that block incoming calls and texts), and a smartphone app that, ironically, alerts plugged-in friends to let them know that you’re unplugging—TMG product designers have come up with some ingenious anti-tech solutions of their own:

Smartphone Satchel

This handsome black burlap tote has six traditional buttons, a complicated hook-and-eye closure, and a pair of suspender clasps. Once a smartphone is securely stowed inside, it takes even the most dexterous set of teenage fingers at least three-and-a-half minutes to get to a text or phone call.

Blackberry Bonnet

Designed for women who need both hands free to cook, clean, till the soil, and work day and night for the ungrateful men around them. Tuck your Blackberry or iPhone discreetly into the bonnet pouch atop your braided bun. Comes in choice of white or black, with straight pins or snaps (zippers not available). 

Burlap Bloomers

Trade in your teen’s or spouse’s modern undergarments for some of our handmade, heavy-weight garb, and there’s no chance they’ll ever end up in one of those “sexting” controversies on the six o’clock news. Bloomers, boxers, petticoats and camisoles available in worsted wool, goat skin, and insulated burlap.

Tin-Can Phone & Carrying Case

Make a statement with this low-tech throwback. Wear it tossed over your shoulder or tuck it safely in our binocular bag-style tote.

Place orders in Comments bar below. Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery by carrier pigeon or seagull; 6-8 months via horse and buggy (sorry, we only have one).

- reported by overworked female reporter/yarn spinner/letterpress operator

National Day of Unplugging: Get your Amish on

We’re sure you are all aware that the 2nd annual National Day of Unplugging runs from sundown Friday, March 4 to sundown on Saturday, March 5. Many progressive organizations, religious zealots, Mother Jones readers and hemp underwear-clad friends may be urging you to disconnect from the Internet and reconnect with dysfunctional family members and the world around you.

At TMG, we’re going beyond the clichéd “unplug and recharge” and turning the 21^st century on its head. For one weekend only, we’ll be publishing from the dilapidated 18^th century barn behind Scrim Shaw’s ramshackle (mobile) homestead in Wapatusset Farms. Our publisher is reaching back to his Pennsylvania roots and wearing his favorite traditional garb while ordering writers, editors and the staff of unpaid interns to churn butter, spin yarn and work the makeshift letterpress while his trusty dog treads the waterwheel to conduct electricity.

Tiny Mind Gazette will also be broadcasting via short-wave radio for those who find it hard to go cold turkey to print alone. A fleet of carrier pigeons and rehabilitated seagulls from the Coastal Institute are on standby to deliver breaking news to doorsteps throughout the 50 contiguous states, weather permitting. 

Stay tuned...

- by TMG current affairs correspondent, Sally Sisson

Typographic Bumper Art (free!)

Hide unsightly bumper scrapes & gashes with your very own TINY MIND GAZETTE BUMPER STICKER. Respond to this POST (in the Comments Area) with both your e-mail and snail mail addresses and we will have one of our unpaid summer interns drop one in the mail for you.

This content-light, pressure-sensitive vehicle art will attach to the bumper of your F-150 Pickup, as well as your yogurt-burning, Hybrid Clown Car!

Respond, Wait, Receive, Enjoy!