Tiny Mind Gazette

Rants From The Book Pen: 1 Out, 2 Runs Score

A summer book review by Wapatusset Youth Baseball & Softball League (WYBSL) commissioner and head baseball coach, “Stitches” O’Williams. Stitches recently spoke to Wapatusset’s graduating class of 2010 with his forty-minute keynote rant, “Strike Out in Little League, Strike Out in Life.”

Now that the summer youth baseball season has drawn to a close (37 games in 30 days), Annie Savoy-O’Williams and I park our lawn chairs in centerfield and catch up on our summer reading. For this year’s off-season analysis and breakdown, we have selected a triple-header of titles: a classic, a classic rivalry, and a book addressing an alternative (non-baseball-centric) lifestyle.

The Classic:
Catcher in the Rye
by JD Salinger (1951)

Saw this title on the “Banned in Wapatusset List” at the public library, right under Nan Flander’s, In Any Other Town I’d be Rich & Skinny: Lessons from the Bottom Rung of a Fast-Climber’s Ladder.

Nan Flanders (file photo)
The title drew me in like a suicide squeeze but left me feeling three runs down in the bottom of the ninth. Despite the catchy title, this supposed literary masterpiece was a no-hitter in my scorebook. Expecting to read excerpts from classic plate-keepers like Johnny Bench, Roy Campanella and Yogi Berra, I was left with the field of dreams rants of outfielder-in-life, Holden Caulfield. Slide this knuckler to the bottom of the order and search for a pinch-hitter. Three strikes and this dribbler is O-U-T, out!

A Classic Rivalry:
The Last Stand: Custer, Sitting Bull, and the Battle of the Little Bighorn

by Nathaniel Philbrick (2010)

This piece of nonfiction discusses the most significant Indian victory prior to October 2, 1938 , when Cleveland Indian pitcher Bob Feller set a modern major league record of 18 strikeouts against the Detroit Tigers. 

Feller, Chief Wahoo, 1972 Oakland A's, Rollie Fingers, George Armstrong Custer
The story takes place several spots in the batting order prior to the days of the white-shoed and mustachioed 1972 Oakland Athletics team. George Armstrong Custer—who knocked the sox off the establishment with his personal alterations to the classic uniform and his fondness towards facial hair of bush league proportions. There is plenty of hit-and-run action in this book and Philbrick’s attention to detail really throws this one around the (Little Big)horn.
A grand slam of Ruthian clout. Slide into your local bookstore and bring this one home!

Alternative Lifestyle:
Marketing Lessons from the Grateful Dead: What Every Business Can Learn from the Most Iconic Band in History

by David Meerman Scott & Brian Halligan (2010)

As a lifelong proponent of crisp white uniforms and hair that is trimmed around the ear, I picked up this title with slight trepidation. However, I feel that it is often necessary to strike out and explore the other lineup card. Also, my online trading card business remains on the DL in this slumping economy. I’ll trade any marketing advice even if it comes from one of San Francisco’s (musical) Giants.

Scott and Halligan (the best one-two combination since Ortiz and Ramirez) have hit a round-tripper with this literary diamond. The book is well-pitched and efficient and an easy nine-inning read. Play ball!

Welcome to My World! with Lizzi Wentworth, society editor

 

I live in a town where all the women are stick-thin and blonde; the man's car of choice is a BMW and roadside trash is empty bottles of Moët and empty packages of Dexatrim. I myself am from a proud stock, well educated and staunchly "blonde-by-choice". The town of Tiny Mind is wonderful and as for my mind, well I am very satisfied with its size. Many citizens of surrounding towns have not-so-nice nicknames for us. But I believe this is because they envy our socio-economic position. After all, who wouldn't want our lives? We look rich, we act rich and we're beautiful. Not many town beaches can boast that they are chock-full of bikini clad yummy-mommies!

Speaking of yummy, we also have an award-winning espresso bar in town. They serve th-e-e-e best steamed, fat-free milk, triple caffeinated, espresso. The baristas are hunks and we sneak away every chance we can to drink-up the best looking views in town. Oh yes, and we never, never, never bring our children. We save our obligatory daily outing with our children for the bagel shop. The properiter is just so-o-o-o-o sweet! He doesn't mind at all that our children throw food, scream and run around. This is a life saver on rainy days! For our little ones, it's an extra gym class! Thankfully our nannies and au pairs take care of attending that germ festival. As much as we would like to go with them to Gymmy-Gym day we just find it impossible. We are exceptionally busy women. We spend tremendous amounts of our day working out, tanning, at mani-pedi appointments and garment shopping. Every day is exhausting, but we never complain and we never tire of our regiment. After all, one never knows when they might be "on the market" again. It's a heavy cross to bear.

Speaking of on the market, some of the homes in our town are amazing. In fact, a neighbor just finished a "to die for" project. I have a feeling that she drew her creative inspiration from Disney's Beach and Yacht Club. The house is traditionally New England-ish and boasts a lighthouse detail that just screams – coastal! Her architect is now "in demand". I am just so happy for her. She furnished it completely via catalog. It's totally Pottery Barn and Frontgate! As I said, I am just so happy for her. Our book group was her cornerstone of support during her renovation. We were there for her every step of the way. That's just the kind of friends we are. We might not really be a book group. I mean, we pick books but we don't really read them. We're too busy for that. Usually we just discuss the cover and the flap inside. I mean if you read the flap, you know the whole story. Once in a while I might squeeze in enough time to read the last page. It's a trick I learned early on. Everyone then thinks you read the book and they "o-o-o-h" and "a-h-h-h" over your time management abilities. Oh! Perhaps I shouldn't have told you that because now my secret's out. Let's just keep it between us.

I must run, busy, busy you know. TTYL
Lizzi

Tiny Mind Profile: Scrim Shaw

Scrim Shaw, 1975

Name:
Morton "Scrim" Shaw

Occupation:
Director, Greyote Rescue & Outreach League

Best day of your life: 

April 30, 1975 when I returned from Canada.

Most fun thing I do:
I am a nature photography buff and often camouflage myself in order to “blend in.”
I also used to fly homemade aircraft with friends of John Denver.

Favorite Season:
I like Fall and baseball season.

Favorite Holiday: 

Groundhog’s Day, I was born and raised near Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
Played left tackle for the high school football team – the “Chucks”

Favorite Junk Food: 

Slim Jims dunked in Cheez Whiz

Best Book or Magazine:
magazine: Popular Science (or Field & Stream)
book: Rivethead: Tales from the Assembly Line, Ben Hamper

Best Music:
Anything by Esquivel, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band or Loudon Wainwright

Pet Peeve:
People who DRIVE while: talking on the cell phone, shaving, eating, with a dog on their lap – or any multiple-element combination of these.

Smartest thing I do:
Go to be early (usually before 10:00 pm) and rise early (5:00 am)

Fun fact about yourself:
I am distant cousin to Pat Buttram, who used to play Mr. Haney on “Green Acres and Petticoat Junction”

Goal:
Solve the mystery of D.B. Cooper

Person you would most like to meet:
Andrew Jackson, Edgar Allan Poe or Wild Bill Hikok’s sidekick, Jingles

Biggest Worry:
Greyotes will be blamed for the evil deeds of the kids in town, who wear flat-brimmed baseball hats and flaunt their boxer shorts.

Best part of Cohasset:
The view in the rear view mirror of my Ford F-150. Just joking!

Spritzing Rock Pond on a Sunday afternoon when the hunchback (or whoever it is) is ringing the church bells at Saint Stephen’s Church.

Weekend: 30-Second Wrap-Up

Highlights from the week that was.

The Town Library
Guest Speaker, author,  Millian VanDorn will read from her new book, Horse: The Enchanting Story of a Unicorn That Lost His Horn. Millian is also the best-selling author of, I am Gnome, soon to become a major motion picture.

H1N1 Distress
A barefoot woman in tie-dye T-shirt crashed the H1N1 vaccine sign-up line at the Cohasset High School on Thursday morning. She was holding a sign that said “I need a miracle” and trying to barter brownies and bootleg tapes for a low number on the list.

Greyote-Mania!
Get your Greyote Crunchies! Local girl scouts will be selling homemade dog biscuits (called Greyote Crunchies!) to benefit the Greyote Rescue  & Outreach League (GROL). Look for their booth at the Village Fair on December 5, right next to the Limburger Cheese and clam chowder stand.

Now on the social docket: Greyote Gala (date TBD,  late winter 2010), a charity wine-tasting and auction event (not to be missed).

Musty Slippers
Local marching band, Musty Slippers to be featured in regional Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade to be held at South Shore Plaza on Thanksgiving Day.

Musty Slippers to headline "Greyote-pa-looza" during Spritzing Rock Brewing Company's "SummerFest on the Common." The band promises a Duran Duran tribute and is currently perfecting the rock ballad, Hungry Like a Wolf.

Minot’s Ledge Lighthouse
Hamilton&Burr Realtors to host weekend open house at Minot's Ledge Lighthouse. Free ferry service will be available, weather permitting.

Semi-Squelched lighthouse rumors:
Renowned Mad Scientist eyes Minot's Ledge Lighthouse for relocation of his evil lair.

Local realtors deny that Patriots' quartrback, Tom Brady posturing to purchase Minot's Ledge Lighthouse – although Gisele was reportedly spotted trying on capri pants in Ports and has been invited by a certain local socialite to headline a charity fashion luncheon for underprivileged models at the Red Lion Inn.

The Art Center
Art Center announces new exhibit: Dogs Playing Board Games. Wine & Kibble opening, slated for evening of December 1.

The Abandoned (and possibly haunted like Town Hall) Hardware Store
Local realtors deny that old hardware store to become Limburger Cheese test kitchen.

Spritzing Rock Brewery to open microbrewery/bistro (above possibly future Limburger Cheese Test Kitchen).

Town Common
Paving company has asphalt surplus and offers to cover town common. Board of Selectmen were drawn into emergency meeting on Thursday and have yet to be seen leaving town hall.

There are plans under way to build 3 gingerbread MacMansions on the town common (next to Spritzing Rock Pond) as a fundraiser for the town's new Multi-cultural Center and Pancake House. The full-size, candy-covered homes would be open to the public through Valentines' Day.

High School Sports
Thanksgiving Day high school football game will feature "throwback" uniforms. Plimouth Plantation has donated attire for both Pilgrim and Indigenous People teams.

Plans are underway to change the high school's mascot from "Skippers" to "Greyotes." The TMG, has been in touch with a mascot costume fabricator that has been contracted by a booster group, to build a 9'-high Greyote "suit." (Unfortunately, it will not be available until mid-2010). GROL has supplied photographs, fur samples, and other forms of reference material to assist in the suit's construction.

Town Pond
In case you missed it, Tiny Mind Gazette readers spoke! Town pond was secretly renamed “Spritzing Rock Pond.” There is no known association with the Spritzing Rock brewing Company.

Spritzing Pond development plan includes enclosed water-centric theme park and beer garden. Local realtors remain silent.