Tiny Mind Gazette

Tiny Mind's Überscope for Middle to Late October 2011

Eat carrots like there was no tomorrow. Play bunnies and foxes with the family. Make munching sounds at work and squiggle your nose up in the grocery store check out line. Not a good month to ask for a raise.

Expect more anxiety this month from unexpected places. Something horrible may happen—or not—but it’s best to check everything twice. For good luck, whenever you go out, be sure to take the exact same path home. Leave markers or little flags if you find that helpful along the way.

Hug your boss once a week. He or she wants to get to know you better.

Take a course in another state this month. Pick a subject that is way out your comfort zone—like knitting concrete, or chugging oil.

This month the dream becomes reality: invest all your savings onto the Tiny Mind Gazette (cash only--in small bills please) and watch as leaves turn color and snow eventually arrives. See? YOU made that happen. Tell others how you did it. Rejoice in your wisdom.

If you choose to exaggerate this month, go big—really big. Tell whoppers. Claim an ancient Norse kingdom. Show the birth certificates of your 297 children. Tell how you have never once lost your keys.

Embrace your mistakes. Make lots this month, some of them on purpose. Strive to not believe everything you believe. Question the concept of “bathing.”

Whip up a new technology. Why not? This is a month to shine. If you tackle time travel, let us know how the future turns out. (And remember who was your best buddy and supporter back in 2011.)

Ask your fellow workers for more personal space. In group meetings, get at least two chairs between you and the next person. Get one of riot police plastic shields if they don’t get the message. Smile often, particularly in the restroom.

An excellent month to express yourself (in song only)–especially at gas stations and movie theaters.

The creative urge will strike at unusual times. Rearrange fence posts at your park or maybe changes all the signs above the grocery store aisles. Others may object, but this is the real you coming out and you should go with it. Also, double your medications.

Someone is tempting you to make a long commitment: new job? New relationship? New set of just slightly used golf clubs complete with head covers and original packaging, designed for longer and straighter ball striking in all conditions (email [email protected]). Then go with it. You only live once. And they’re in beautiful condition.

Irish Riviera Pub Brawl Postpones Annual Columbus Day Parade

Three long-time, blue-blooded members of the prestigious Speedwell Guild were held overnight in a Wapatusset holding cell following a skirmish outside Mr. O’Fooley's Irish Riviera Pub in the village Sunday night. Details are still unclear, but according to witnesses there were heated arguments concerning Invisibines® wind turbines on a disputed Pilgrim settlement and "something about Narraganset Beer."

Chief Liam O’Liam was brought to the scene (actually, he was already at the scene, sitting on his unofficial bar stool) and called in back-up to bring the situation under control.

Two members of the Bored Selectmen also happened to be at the scene (in their unofficial booth), and sprang to action to attempt to mediate. The Selectwoman tried to break up the fight, beginning yet another one of her "In the words of Rodney King..." speeches, but was pummelled with pickled eggs. In the end they all agreed to blame the Water Department.

The following morning, Chief O'Liam agreed to release the Speedwell Three, as they're now being called, but this was after the Bored Selectmen had already agreed to postponed the Columbus Day Parade.

This has been an unfortunate year for parades in Wapatusset. After last spring's debacle (see "St. Patrick’s Day Parade Postponed Over Potato-Throwing Protest March" and continued controversy over the MLK Day Diversity Parade, the town has agreed to form a citizen's commission to plan upcoming public celebrations. All interested should respond in the Comments section below.