Feeling a Little Green Today?
Try these TMG-tested pick-me-ups to get you back in the pink.
1. Hair of the Dog Irish Mimosa: Use beer glass instead of champagne flute. Fill half way with plum juice instead of orange juice and substitute one cup of green beer instead of champagne. Shave dog. Add three hairs. Strain through green tiara from night before. Sip.
2. Hangover Helper: Take a box of Uncle's Ben Converted Rice, bring water to boil. Empty out the rice. Cook the box until it is al dente. Sprinkle with celery salt—you, not the box. Serve with Alka-Seltzer. (TMG is going for awesome product placement fees this week).
3. Go to tanning salon. Ask for green filters on the hot lights. Set phasers to “stun.” Cook for 15 minutes.
4. Dunk head in pot of briny corned beef cooking water. Keep submerged for 8 seconds. Gently pat dry with towel.
5. Shove half a cabbage head under the armpit of your drinking arm. Rub the cabbage clockwise in the northern hemisphere and anticlockwise in the south. Stand on one foot.
6. Voodoo cure: Stick 13 black push pins in the cork of the bottle you drank from night before. Spear cans of beer. Cast spell on co-worker.
7. Take your mind off your aching head by retracing your steps from last night to find all your missing clothes and returning the clothes you're now wearing to their original owner(s).
8. The “What Will and Won't Work” Smoothie: (combine remedies from all the experts)
- Take hot shower; fill mug 1/4 full with hot water.
- Take cold shower; fill same mug to halfway point with cold water.
- Get out of shower, get dressed and pour a shot of coffee and a shot of pickle juice.
- Pour shots into shaker and jog to grocery store and get orange juice (with shaker in hand).
- Run back to house and add one shot of orange juice.
- Sleep four more hours.
- Wake up and drink smoothie (with shamrock garnish).
9. Medieval miracle cure: Chew dried eel for 2 minutes but no not swallow. Make facial scrub with ground swallow’s beak, bitter almonds and salt pork. Do not bathe for 3 weeks.
10. Circle your calendar for March 17, 2011 and start training today!
- compiled by the friendly staff and unpaid interns at TMG