Note: While the majority of citizens of Wapatusset and other fine communities across the country strictly observe self-imposed deadlines (not to mention fear of public shame) for the dismantling and removal of holiday decorations), there are always some that need a gentle reminder. For those with moldy Indian corn in their backporch planters and New Year’s poppers on the mantelpiece, this rant’s for you. – ed.
An American eyesore…
What seemed like a novel holiday gift for mom, grandma or Aunt Fanny has now become a social eyesore! Over the years, supermarket chains have made it the “must have floral extravaganza” to complete the Christmas season. They've oversaturated the nation with no regard for the horticultural nightmare left in the post-holiday tundra.
Are they even aware of the sickening wave of Post-Christmas Poinsettia Apathy (PCPA) that is sweeping the nation from Wapatusset (Massachusetts) to Skunk's Creek (Idaho)?
The leaves have fallen off over the last few weeks, leaving less than spectacular displays of wispy yellow branches, resembling little foil-wrapped buckets of discarded chickens’ feet.
One withering specimen might not be a bad flourish for the top rail of the back porch, but for those grannies with a plethora of well-wishers, the display of hundreds of leafless chickens’ feet might be a little overwhelming.
As Harvey Spindler, director of the Cotton Creek Home Owner's Association, remarked: “Chains competing to make available the largest poinsettias in the universe give no afterthought to the problems for the trashman and his dilemma as to whether to charge for lawn debris pickup or trash.”
…or a Vietnamese obsession?
My neighbor, Dr. Vo Thi Dung (pronounced Zung; better known as “Suzy”), the former Dean of Irregular Botany at the University of Westminster, is also concerned about this growing crisis. She said, “In Vietnam, on the island of Phu Quoc, poinsettias grow over ten feet tall and thrive in the warm climate throughout the year. They line the country roads much like the walls of ivy lining the roads of Wapatusset. Phu Quoc may be better known as the home of the best and most pungent fish sauce in Vietnam, but there isn't anything stinky about the lovely adornment of poinsettias.”
Recycle, renew, replant!
Friends, we have a civic duty! Follow the Vietnamese way! Pick up that poor plant off the front lawn! Give it a little water and haul it downstairs to a nice dark closet and let it recuperate from providing your Christmas joy. Let it stay on its little environmental sabbatical until the spring (see Gardening Know How for more tips)!
Embrace the Vietnamese love of poinsettias, so that we may enjoy the plant year-round (and grow ten foot walls of poinsettias throughout the nation)!
...and while you're at it, pick up that glimmering gold foil poinsettia wrapper that’s flapping against the hedges.
Dr. F