One thing we can all agree on when it comes to wines for Thanksgiving: There’s no such thing as one- size-fits-all. Thankfully, we have local expert Claude Von Krappe, resident sommelier of the Institute of Chardonnay Studies (and Wine Bar), right here in our tiny town of Wapatusset to guide the way.
Claude likes the element of surprise when mixing and matching at the holiday table. “Pinot is so cliché,” he says. “Who says turkey and the trimmings can’t stand up to some gutsy plonk?” He advises timid hosts to make a statement, mix things up: “Don’t be afraid to think outside the wine-in-a-box.” (Or to swim in it, as the case may be.)
We asked Claude to come up with wine pairings for some of our favorite holiday dishes and were delighted to have him visit our “test kitchen” in the Tiny Mind Gazette staff lunchroom.
Here we present Part One of TMG's Thanksgiving food-and-wine pairing tips, in Claude's own words:
Side Dish #1: Green Bean Casserole
The earthy, fungal tones of the rubbery mushroom bits in the Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup are reminiscent of a romp in the woods with a wild pig, foraging for truffles. Either that or a three-day concert campout in a soggy climate in a dirty sleeping bag made of synthetic fibers. Depending how you feel about this casserole classic, you could either go for an acidic white to cut through the gunk, or a big furry red to bask in the marvelous mouth-feel.
In my personal opinion, this casserole begs for a monster red with some three-dimensionality. Something with teeth to make you forget what you’re eating. Try a slutty Syrah, a jammy Zinfandel or a masculine well-aged Cab. (Might I suggest a nice bottle of Stag’s Heap?) With hints of tobacco, Old Spice soap-on-a-rope and an alluring eucalyptus-fecal aroma, this Sonoma classic will have you fantasizing about Falcon’s Crest re-runs in no time.
Or, for a witty lark, why not go with a classy French Bordeaux? The peppery finish perfectly complements the sweet-salt accents of the French’s fried onion ring topping in an uncanny way. Talk about a conversation piece!
Side Dish #2: Lime Jell-O Mold Salad
The sweet-tangy dichotomy created by this textural mélange calls for a crisp, unoaked white—or a California Cooler, I can’t decide. Curds of cottage cheese bounce unbridled next to crushed pineapple while the oily mouth-feel of the mayonnaise (or god forbid Miracle Whip) cries out for the minerality of a steely Chablis.
On the other hand, why not get over yourself, embrace the Jell-O mold, admit your Midwestern roots, and play up the artificial fruit with a cheap White Zin? Those of you bringing Baby Boomers to the table might consider a big jug of Boone’s Farm apple wine product—the Strawberry Hill classic or the new orange-pineapple flavor would go nicely. With undertones of Blue Nun and bubble gum, nose of Tareyton cigarettes and naugahyde, and a cloying, persistent finish, it will send you free-falling into memories of dysfunctional family holidays. Enjoy!
-- reported by TMG crime, fashion, food and culture reporter Agent SS