Tiny Mind Gazette

Locavore's Dilemma: In Defense of Roadkill

 

Last week’s article “Reconsidering Roadkill: The ultimate local food” sparked a rush of letters to the editor. Although some readers found the subject to be “twisted” and “objectionable,” several found-food enthusiasts came forward to share their stories.

Locavore vignettes

When local resident Doug Heimlich found a headless rabbit on his kitchen floor, he blamed neither Glenn Close nor his German short-haired pointer. Rather, he yelled, “Soup’s on!” and whipped up a savory stew with rodent tail, rabbit, and his favorite cheap jug wine. At dinner, his children fought over the lucky rabbit’s foot at the bottom of the stew pot. “I’d say roadkill is bringing old-fashioned family values back to the dinner table,” he said, wearing a matted coon-skin cap.

School board member Dr. Von Fleece says he’s been meeting with the lunch ladies at Wapatusset Public Schools to see how road kill could be incorporated into the school lunch menu. “Much of this meat is high-protein and low-fat,” he explained, “and would otherwise go to waste. As long as you cook it to an internal temperature of 425 degrees, it should kill most of the bacteria and parasites.” Von Fleece is also coordinating with teachers to see how different species of roadkill could be aligned with the Social Studies curriculum.

Local artist AnneFrances Walton says that although she finds the practice of eating roadkill “revolting,” she does enjoy painting pictures of some of the more grissly specimens. I’d been looking for something to complement my “headless mouse” series, and when everyone started talking about this new locavore movement at my yoga class, I decided to take a closer look. Being a fruitarian, I find it horrifying yet oddly compelling at the same time. It wasn’t until after I finished my latest acrylic triptych (“Tree-Tire-Table”) that I understood the profound influence of DuChamp Marcel.”

Walton's paintings will be on display at next month's Wine and Cheese fundraiser for GROL (Greyote Research and Outreach League) at the Institute of Chardonnay Studies. The menu will feature local roadkill samples expertly paired with domestic wines. Reserve your tickets today!

-- reported by Crime, Food and Education editor Agent SS

Reconsidering Roadkill: the ultimate local food

With the slowing economy, rising food prices, and the push for locally produced foods, a growing number of suburbanites are entertaining the once unthinkable: roadkill as Sunday roast.

Food writer and cookbook magnate Chichester Snimball recently wrote about the merits of cooking with roadside remnants. “Short of shooting wood pigeons in your own family compound, this is about as local as it gets…. Plus, it’s character building. You may not have post-World War II rationing stories to pass on to the next generation, but your children can at least say they were forced to eat a rancid woodchuck or two.”

At least two Wapatusset restaurants are offering fresh roadkill on the menu, and a local catering company plans to feature a variety of local species at the Wine and Cheese fundraiser for GROL (Greyote Rescue and Outreach League) in October.

Local voices

We chatted with folks at last week’s Farmer’s Market about the trend. Here’s what they had to say:

“I’m cutting down on my carbon footprint and my grocery bill at the same time.”

“At Whole Paycheck you pay a fortune for free-range, grass-fed, ethically-treated meat. Roadkill is all of the above. Well, maybe not the ethically-treated bit, but it’s usually a very quick death.”

“My wife says I’m cheap, but I prefer to think of it as old Yankee ingenuity.”

“That is heinous… Does it come in breaded patties?”

Send us your stories

Have you experimented with roadkill recipes? Any tips on foraging for fresh specimens? Send your stories to Food Editor, Tiny Mind Gazette, or leave in the Comments field below. 

-- reported by Crime, Food and Education editor Agent SS

Parent Receives Saturday Detention at WMS (Wapatusset Middle School)

A 45-year-old mother of three has been sentenced to a two-hour detention session for failing to sign and complete her children’s school forms by the deadline. Although she had completed the emergency contacts and medical history forms for all three children, she failed to submit two of the five subject-specific “expectations” outlines for sixth grade classes by the required due date.

Parents attending detention are required to report at 7:25 a.m. equipped with two 1 ½ inch 3-ring binders, one 2-inch binder, loose leaf paper, three sets of dividers (one 8-tab and two 5-tab), one composition book, two spiral bound notebooks, a set of colored pencils, four highlighters, a school calendar, a personal calendar, a laptop or PDA, and a label maker. Coffee is NOT allowed on the premises.

After rounds of timed math-fact recitations, parents will be challenged to collate, file and color-code stray pieces of paper in alphabetical, numerical and chronological order. These exercises are designed to sharpen deteriorating middle-aged minds and build the parental skills necessary for student success. (As the Clutter Chick exclaimed in her 8:00 a.m. kick-off seminar, "Show me an alphabetized spice cabinet and I'll show you a family of straight A students!")

“This should serve as a wake-up call for parents who don’t quite understand the magnitude of the situation," explained a school spokesperson. "This community has a disproportionately high percentage of parents with both MBAs and OCD. Children of slackers are at a distinct disadvantage."

Speaking off the record, a nearby aide said, “Basically, parents need to get their sh*t together. And fast. No more sitting on the couch, drinking Chardonnay and watching CSI re-runs. Summer's over, people.

Reported by education, crime + style correspondent, Agent SS