Wapatusset Public Access TV (Channel 13) will be adding three new
shows to their fall lineup. The locally produced shows are being generously
underwritten by V-Mobile, in exchange for an agreement reached with the
Wapatusset Police Department. All
uniformed officers will now wear miniature mobile cell towers on their heads,
disguised inside English Bobby-style police helmets.
Anthony (file photo)
“We think that this uniform upgrade will add to our village’s quaint
character, make our police force more approachable, and greatly improve cell
phone coverage. Win, win, win!” remarked Channel 13 news anchor Edwardo
Anthony. “In addition, the local programming will allow our seaside hamlet to
showcase some of our theatrical talents. I have already been asked to make a
guest appearance on an episode of Desperate Dumpsters.”
Here is a quick summary of the three new series:
Each week, celebrity guests find themselves behind the wheel of a
Toyota Prius with a portable navigation system. Despite punching in the GPS
logistics of their desired destination, the navigation system directs the
driver to a murder scene. Immediately following their arrival, they are
arrested by a handsomely clever police detective and his whacky sidekick, who
have been monitoring the activity within the Prius through hidden video
cameras. It is up to the celebrity guests to prove their innocence as well as
solve the murder mystery.
Desperate Dumpsters
Question: What do the women of Wampatusset prefer more than
diamonds?
A large, portable dumpster receptacle parked in your driveway can
only mean one thing: You are having your kitchen remodeled! In this series, a
handsomely clever Mormon contractor and his whacky sidekick find themselves
ducking and dodging advances from suburban housewives, desperate for new cabinets,
countertops and high-end appliances.
N*I*M*B*Y
In this reality series, unsuspecting homeowners awake to find something undesirable in their backyard. Items may include: a dilapidated motor home, any large object covered with a bright blue tarp, a school bus load of Rastafarian street performers, a gaggle of lawn gnomes, etc.
At the beginning and end of
each show, cardiologist Dr. Gray Von Fleece secretly monitors the vital signs
of the unsuspecting victims. The more drastic the change, the more points are
accumulated. The top four high-scorers will return for a holiday special where
a grand prize winner is selected. The show is hosted by an adorable talking
chipmunk, making it suitable entertainment for the entire family.