Faulty Trousers
Police Belt and Accessories (file photo)
Sun 11:40 am - Three Greyotes caught dumpster-diving behind bagel shop. Officer responded to scene but was soon chased by rival gang of Greyotes into parking lot, where he called for backup. While reaching for cell phone, billy club and animal repellent spray at the same time, his belt buckle snapped—causing his trousers and belt-loop holster to drop to his ankles. A quick-thinking witness threw his buffalo chicken wrap to the pack of hungry hybrids, and the officer was able to pull his pants up, regain his composure, and grab his taser gun and Scooby Snacks. As the officer said, it was a close one and could have been a grizzly scene, had it not been for that crafty sandwich diversion tactic. He blamed the flimsy quality of the police uniform belts for the dangerous mishap. (Stay tuned for special report on police uniform/equipment override request.)
Aquajeep® Dives Deep off Causeway
AquaJeep® (file Photo)
Tues 2:45pm - Man driving newfangled amphibious vehicle tried unsuccessfully to cross Tiny Harbor causeway and ended up in deep trouble. Apparently the man had constructed the truck himself from an Aquajeep® Kit and engineering CAD plans purchased on the Internet. Fueled with competitive spirit from a recent Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby, he then tried to add some special design features to boost performance. "I thought it was a good way to teach my son 21st century problem-solving and STEM skills," said the man. Apparently not. Once fully submerged, the propeller got tangled in marsh grass and the 10hp outboard failed to start. It took a team of neighbors and police divers from two neighboring towns to rescue the man from the sunken vehicle. Man charged with failure to heed flood warnings and rules of the road.
Flood Victims Get Rowdy at Rooftop Mall Party
Rooftop Revelers
Wed 6:15 pm - Severe flooding on Route 3B sent a random collection of stranded rail commuters, dental hygienists, x-ray technicians, graphic designers, Alzheimer's patients, luxury boutique owners, massage therapists and local landscaping and landfill workers to the highest point in the vicinity—the soon-to-be-opened Lifestyle Mini-Mall at the TOD (short for “transit-oriented district”). The motley crew arrived in lifeboats pulled by Wapatusset's new police-kayak units. Though initially distressed, the stranded flood victims received VIP treatment and soon took advantage of the Carnival Cruise style offerings, including six rooftop hot tubs, two rooftop putting greens, climbing wall, day spa and horseshoe pits. The party became "out of control" by nightfall and was broken up due to noise complaints. (The zoning board is now investigating the rooftop facilities for compliance with town ordinances; however, the lottery for affordable housing units in the Clam Strip and the Grand Opening Gala will go forward as planned.)
reported by AgentSS