Around the Pond: Porta-Potty Faux Pas, White Lights are Right, Power Play Persists

Ad campaign designed by Chamber of Commerce to discourage the use of colored holiday lights.

Remember the Unwritten Rules
A reminder to Tiny Town residents to exercise good taste and restraint while decorating for the holidays. Newcomers are advised to use colored lights indoors only, and to keep lawn ornaments to a tasteful few. In no circumstance should colored lights be used in window candles. Rule of thumb: When in doubt, stick with white. Wreaths may be attached to front grills of SUVs and as many of your home windows as budgets allow, but never to porta-potties or backyard cars on blocks. Those with the largest homes are encouraged to use as many floodlights as possible to illuminate their decorations from all angles.

Deck the Stalls: Porta-Potty Violation
Several neighbors have called to report a wreath and lighted icicles decorating a porta-potty in front of a blue home on a main street. “It’s bringing down the neighborhood,” said one caller. “Not to mention property values.” The wreath is prominently displayed and in close proximity to an elementary school, qualifying it for a double infraction. Since the home is an antique, the Historical Society is investigating as well.

Winter White
Many have noted that the Christmas lights in front of the Community Center appear to be two different colors. According to strict town codes, only white lights are allowed in the windows and lawns around the Spritzing Rock Pond Common. After several people called to report the violation, an ad hoc commission was pulled together to investigate. The group comprised members of the Community Garden Club, the Other Garden Club, the Historical Society, three well-dressed interior designers, one shabbily dressed painter, and a pair of erudite architects who convened on the “outside club” deck of the Commuter Boat and texted in their determinations.

A local graphic designer wearing flip flops and armed with a Pantone color guide was brought in for an emergency meeting to settle a stalemate. In the end the commission ruled the second set of lights was still “within the white family” and that the discrepancy had to do with “luminance and chromacity, not hue.” Although the color appeared silver or even bluish to some (“more Las Vegas than New England,” as one member noted), investigators traced the origin of the set to a box at Smallgreen’s, which marked the color as “clear.” It was also noted that the lights were made in "China or Korea."

Energy Crisis over Xmas Lights: Power Plant vs. Wind Farm
One of largest and most prominent homes in Tiny Town has once again bedazzled the community with its grand display of white lights. An army of landscapers decorated two dozen trees, three gazebos, two boat docks, four monogrammed gates, an ice-skating hut, and the rooftop pool house and tennis court. The family has also installed it own rooftop power plant to generate electricity for the lights and second-hand snow-making equipment shipped in from Aaron Spelling’s estate in Los Angeles. The local Alternative Energy Committee has plans to protest throughout December, as it lobbies the town to install a wind farm of Invisabines® in Tiny Town Harbor. Stay tuned…

reported by UndergroundCohasset392 sallysisson.com