Just one day after the “biggest mafia bust in FBI history,” police in Wapatusset, a small suburb south of Boston, rounded up eleven alleged mobsters after an exhaustive six-month covert sting op dubbed “Project Sub Shop.”
O'Liam (hacked file photo)
According to Wapatusset chief of police Liam O’Liam, officers had been casing local Keno machines, pizza joints, donut drive-thrus and sub shops, conducting sophisticated surveillance with equipment obtained during their recent equipment upgrade (enabled by special town override).
Because the suspects were so overweight, O’Liam said it was not hard to nab them. Because most were in their 80s and 90s, they could not remember the crimes they committed. Lined up with wrists in handcuffs and bellies bulging over their polyester slacks, the men caused quite a spectacle in the parking lot of “House of Calzone” on Route 3B.
"Fatso," "Meathead," "Tony Cannoli," "Veal Parm," "Stumpy," "Dumpy," "Dino the Donut," "Stuffed Shell," "Pasta Fazool," "Hot Gabigole," and "Fried Dough" are all in custody at the Wapatusset Police Department until further notice.
Already facing accusations of ethnic stereotyping, the police department could not be reached for further comment at this time. Reports of a similar investigation involving pubs in the neighboring "Irish Riviera" community have not been confirmed.
Stay tuned to details as they unfold.