Blizzard Diary, Day #1
Have successfully bought out all batteries in town.
You want portable energy, you're gonna have to pay! (insert evil laugh).
No dairy product worries since "borrowing" matching set of Vermont Holsteins. Concerned about hay supply. Researching granola bars as potential substitute.
Treadmill squirrel team not providing quite enough power for simultaneous use of blender and hair dryer. Questioning morality of tainting acorns with PEDs.
Blizzard Journal, Day #3
Youngest stated that–"diary" sounded too "girly." Now Blizzard Journal.
Provisions running low.
Cooked and ate youngest.
Blizzard Journal, Day #4
Despite previous report, youngest was NOT eaten. Was actually wicker rocking chair. It was very dark and kerosene headlamp was malfunctioning.
Spent much of last evening dodging board game invitations from fellow survivors. Put end to “Yahtzee-pa-looza” be hiding three dice in cheeks (like Chipmunk). Swallowed first one around midnight. The others were most likely ingested around 3:00 AM while I was experiencing a nightmare involving the Seneca Casino in Salamanca NY and the Oscar Mayer wiener mobile.
Blizzard Journal, Day #4.5
Standing in line with approximately 60 weary castaways, for generator that local artisan has constructed out of palm branches and coconuts. He claims to be a survivalist who gained his knowledge from watching every episode of Gilligan's Island at least 70 times. Not sure if it will work but you can't beat the price. $40.
What could possibly go wrong?