If you’re a true hipster, you probably haven’t given the holiday much thought. Until now. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so it’s probably time to make some plans. And buy some food. Whatever you do, don’t try too hard. Or at least don’t look like you’re trying too hard.
If you are a so-called ironic hipster, you’ve probably been planning for weeks and are carving a butter-sculpture centerpiece right this minute. In an ugly sweater. We’ve provided some extra tips for those of you looking to do it up, lamestream style.
Some basic do’s and don’ts to start:
Invite an assortment of friends, co-workers, black-sheep family members and drifters. Include at least one hipster who looks like a homeless person.
Do not match silverware. Provide a bucket of utensils, e.g., chopsticks, recycled sporks, tarnished serving spoons, Swiss Army knife, coffee stirrers, sticks. Heck, do not even use silverware.
Do not set table in advance. Mix camping utensils, Boy Scouts canteen kit and fast-food take-out containers (cleaned) with heirloom china.
Serve wine (in-a-box) in old jelly glasses or plastic Pokemon cups. Again, do not match.
Do not serve pies. See “Ironic Hipster” ideas below. Or just smoke cigarettes.
Records only, but nothing from a major label. Do not play anything on current college-radio top 10 lists. Heck, do not play music, period.
Green bean casserole with cream of mushroom soup; sweet potato casserole with marshmallows. Duh!
Alternative plan: Shave beards, set hair with curlers, and dress like 1950s sitcom family members. Disregard all hipster rules above and set perfect table and traditional turkey dinner. Order from restaurant if necessary.
See these past TMG articles for more ironic Thanksgiving menu ideas: