Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow yesterday. But local connoisseurs of fine New England roadkill were soon fixated on a different animal instead: Wapatusset Walt, the 250-pound possum, saw his gigantic reflection on the grill of an oncoming powder-blue Prius.
Legend has it that if Walt sees his last reflection on Groundhog's Day, the town will be blessed with a 6-week supply of delicious possum stew at Ye Olde Food Court in the atrium of the Liberty Hall Mini-Mall.
During the Possum Day celebration / memorial service, Tiny Mind Gazette publisher York Benchley (dressed in authentic ceremonial Speedwell Guild dress) scooped out the first ladle of steaming stew, tipped his head back and carelessly poured it down his open throat. Red-faced with a singed mustache, Mr. Benchley immediately spewed a spray of stew over the startled crowd of Possum Day revelers. The (other) high point of the celebration was the rousing YouTube classic, “Five Pound Possum,” blasted on multiple smart phones throughout the food court. Thanks to the recently installed church steeple cell towers, all 53 hand-held devices were able to receive clear and uninterrupted service.
The Speedwell Guild, as well as the Sisters of Sauvignon, will be soliciting bids from local taxidermists in an effort to establish a permanent Wapatusset Walt exhibit in the rotunda of the Town Hall.
Since the unfortunate incident, Mitsy Smitherton LeBoef, operator of the totaled Prius, has lost her enthusiasm for saving Mother Earth and is in now in the market for the largest American-made SUV available.
York Benchley is resting comfortably but is extremely irritated by the little tiny piece of skin that is still dangling from the roof of his extremely sensitive mouth.
5 Pound Possum: Recorded at a bluegrass pickin' near St Augustine, Florida.
–reported by Morton "Scrim" Shaw, deputy animal control officer and special correspondent