1. Replace all of the oxygen in your house with helium.
2. Serve your Amish neighbor morning coffee laced with de-bearding agent.
3. Reprogram kids' cable box to only access only C-SPAN and the 700 Club.
4. Trap a sleeping squirrel in a Dunkin’ Munchkin box and secretly send it to school with your first grader.
5. Call-forward grumpy neighbor’s landline to funeral home reservations desk.
6. Blast noisy neighbor’s satellite dish with double-barrel shotgun; insist you were intercepting an alien invasion.
7. Empty soccer-mom neighbor’s bottle of Chardonnay; refill with Chablis from jug.
8. With empty gum wrappers, duct tape and a leftover piece of Halloween candy, convince gullible 16-year-old that he has won a golden ticket to Willie Wonka’s Driving School; provide directions to barn of Amish neighbor.
9. Disguised as an electrician, reprogram annoying neighbor’s electronic doorbell with voice of Nancy Grace.
10. Disguised as a German mechanic, hot-vire neighbor’s expensive sports car and go for a joy- vride.
1. Disconnect all office mates' devices from wall outlets night before; cover outlets with Greenpeace stickers.
2. Arrive to work dressed in tux or evening gown; announce the start of formal Fridays instead of casual Fridays. Drink heavily throughout the day.
3. Tape cologne-scented magazine ads to bottom of annoying co-worker’s desk drawers.
4. Fill co-workers' trash cans with empty beer bottles and Texas Cheerleader magazines.
5. Hide Filet-o-Fish sandwich in co-worker’s desk drawer; see how long it takes to find it.
6. Put thumbtacks on boss’s chair, banana peel in doorway and TheraBreath breath monitor on desk.
7. Leave tray of Ex-Lax brownies in office kitchen and see what happens.
8. Leave tray of hash brownies in office kitchen and see what happens.
9. Cover your boss’s overpriced Japanese sports car with brick contact paper.
10. Park SMART car in adjacent cubicle; charge co-workers $1 for each ride up and down service elevator.
On the Road
1. Embark on cross-country mini-van trip with children’s mobile media center locked on either “Ishtar” or cable-access School Committee meetings.
2. Free penguins from local zoo and replace with inebriated office mates wearing tuxedoes.
3. Dress as giant sea gull, swoop down upon unsuspecting drive-thru customers–stealing their cinnamon bagel twists just as they are about to drive away, simultaneously dumping a gallon of white house paint on windshield.
4. Convince children that they are eating KFC when it is actually KFP while refusing to answer frantic phone calls from the zoo.
5. Disguised as Amish neighbor, drive horse and buggy to Apple Store and ask for demonstration of wood-burning iPad2.