Tiny Mind Gazette

Best Spy Stories: TMG Anniversary Special (part 1)

Russian Spy Ring South of Boston

http://www.tinymindgazette.com/2010/07/russian-spy-ring-south-of-boston.html

‘Spy Swap’ (not wife swap!) set for Russian agent arrested in Boston suburb

http://www.tinymindgazette.com/2010/07/spy-swap-not-wife-swap-set-for-russian-agent-arrested-in-boston-suburb.html

The Russian Spy Who Snagged Me (or was it the other way around?)

http://www.tinymindgazette.com/2010/07/the-russian-spy-who-snagged-me-or-was-it-the-other-way-around-interview-with-tmg-publisherundergroun.html

Temperatures Rise as Hibernators Thaw: PoliceBLOG

 

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
Several consecutive days of 50º weather lured townspeople and strange animals out of hibernation. It also brought an upswelling of anti-train sentiment, as residents worried about "carpetbaggers" and "good-for-nothings" coming to the quaint village to cause trouble.

Caller reported “hobo” walking near train tracks. Described man as unshaven and carrying a “loot bag.” Woman said he’d “probably come in from the city on the commuter rail, looking to steal hi-fis.”

Man called to say he’d seen several “strangers” walking along Main Street in the past two days. Described one as a “fraudster” and a “vagabond” and said he’d heard that these types were going door to door, selling magazines and Ponzi schemes.

Elderly woman reported “peculiar dog-like animal” had broken into her sun-room and was lying on chaise lounge sipping sherry and snacking on Chex Mix. “He devoured the bowl but apparently did not care for the pretzel bits.” Animal control officer said this sounded like a familiar Greyote predilection and advised woman to keep her snack cupboard and windows locked during warm weather.

 

 Salvatore Bono & Cherilyn Sarkisian (file photo)

Drunk man called to say he'd just seen Sonny Bono try to break into his basement fridge, then told dispatcher to "nevermind."

Casual Friday Gone Too Far
Officer located man fitting hobo description. Man said he was walking home from train station to get exercise. Officer searched “loot bag” (Banana Republic distressed leather bike-messenger-style satchel), and advised man to shave and put on a clean, collared shirt—preferably a Polo (by Ralph Lauren).              

Pilgrim Plot Brewing at Crook Estate
Suspicious noises coming from trailers on construction site of the Crook Estate. Passerby called on cell phone to say she spotted “two short men resembling leprechauns, wearing suits and boots with buckles.” Officers chased men into trailer, where they found a congregation of Pilgrims plotting to claim their rights to native land in the vicinity. Wall map showed both the Crook Estate and Melody Circus circled by arrows and x's. Matter and meeting rights under investigation.

reported and compiled by special agent Sally Sisson

What Men Want

This week, our learned social scholar, Dr. Hammond Egghs, focuses on 5 Rules for WFH.

The weekday male population has drastically increased in our little town. More and more fathers are learning to navigate the elementary and middle school pick-up and drop-off lines, and still more are attending mid-day school functions – concerts, jump rope exhibitions and poetry readings.

You see more working-age men in the grocery store and still more aimlessly wandering the streets between the traditional business hours of 9-5. Economic downturn or WFH? Lets apply a positive spin – WFH.

WFH (Working From Home)
Gone are the days of vast office space, divided into maze-like Habitrails by beige cubicle walls. There were group meetings, water cooler conversations, beer bashes and Friday group lunches. There were after work sporting events, bag lunch seminars, corporate-sponsored yoga immersion sessions, off-site meetings and trade show gatherings.

Five days a week, you had to shower and shave. You had to wear clean, pressed clothes and separate your feet from your shoes, by applying socks. Flip-flops were for the beach and the shower, and not, for everyday dress. You were on a first name basis with the dry cleaner attendant and you had your on-air radio friends during your morning and afternoon commutes – with whom you engaged in one-sided conversations. Masstrans-Commuters were transported while reading newspapers, perusing great American novels, listening to tunes or just plain sleeping. Combing your hair was a must.

In the morning, you could art-direct the creation of your breakfast beverage and there was a vast array of accouterments to provide accompanying subsidence. Lunchtime allowed for a vast amount of creativity in venue choice and item selection. Brie, cheddar, provolone, bleu – on taragon chicken salad, fresh albacore tuna or black forest ham. A Burrito Supreme or a fresh calzone were also in the picture of possibilities.

Then all Hell broke loose.
Walkmen became iPhones, FedEx became e-mail, office phones became cell phones, desks became workstations, branch offices became satellite offices, your home at the office – became your office at home.Va-la!

My 5 Rules for WFH

RULE #1:
Look in the mirror occasionally. If Sasquatch is staring you back, you need to take a shower, change your clothes and comb your hair. If the 4-days growth on your face is to become a beard, trim it like one.


RULE #2:
For the good Lord’s sake, get some exercise! Getting up and moving around is necessary, now that you have been confined to a 10’ x 10’ room (Google: Unabomber/Theodore Kaczynski). Get out of the house. Go for a bike ride, a walk, go to the gym or at least get on the treadmill. Remember, if you are leaving the house, please see Rule #1. 


RULE #3:
With the exception of the hours from noon until 2:00 PM, the kitchen is CLOSED. Constantly circling the refrigerator is not a good thing and will lead to elastically waist-banded sweat pants and pajama bottoms, 24x7 – a.k.a. hitting rock-bottom.


RULE #4:
Daytime TV is not your friend! Keep the television off. The flickering images of Oprah, Regis and Rachel Ray are nothing more than pixelated distractions – and not your pals! If you are watching reruns of Green Acres and Hee-Haw – call your primary care physician, immediately!


RULE #5:
Despite what you see on MAD MEN, happy hour does not start until 5:00 PM (with the exception of Fridays where 3:15 PM is acceptable).

Whether your house arrest is temporary or permanent, following these five simple rules will lead to a happier and healthier home-confined working experience!

I welcome all questions and comments and look forward to hearing from you! – learned social scholar, Dr. Hammond Egghs

nudity, clumpy substance, strange animal, veal parm: It's the Police BLOG

Indecent-behavior complaint. Woman calls to report male neighbor vacuuming in the nude. Police explain that new town by-law applies only to nude leaf-blowing and not indoor vacuuming. Woman advised to put down telescope.

A 48-year-old Bow Street resident called police about a white, clumpy substance in his yard which he suspects is vandalism. Resident claims the substance was deliberately placed in a crop-circle formation surrounding the site of an earlier swing-set abduction. Officer thinks the white substance may be bird droppings. Resident has requested extra patrols. In the meantime, the Greyote Rescue & Outreach League (GROL) has offered two of its watch-dogs-in-training.

Suspicious activity. Caller reports she saw a person wearing “Goth” makeup and a Hull sweatshirt walking in the town parking lot.

A walk-in to the police station, who wished to remain anonymous, turned in a toolbox with dog biscuits, a macramé belt, massage oil and a pair of binoculars to police at 8:34 p.m. on Tuesday (Nov 10). He found the items stashed under a bench at Spritzing Rock Pond. Police have not received any calls about the missing items.

Beechwood St., animal complaint. Caller reports a strange looking animal “kind of like a cross between an emu and a wolverine” walking toward ballpark. Police have enlisted the help of a freelance sketch artist.

Older couple traveling north on Rte 3A accidentally took a right turn into the exit lane near the Livingston Taylor Methodone Plaza. A minor “fender bender” occurred but no one was hurt. They reportedly were looking for an Italian restaurant and were confused by a sign for the new Blackstone Cavern. “For God’s sake,” the man complained. “How far does a guy need to drive to find a decent veal parm under $8.95?” His wife was a bit shaken up, saying she thought they were going out for a Mexican meal or a pu pu platter.

reported by AgentSS sallysisson.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Police BLOG

 

A barefoot woman in tie-dye T-shirt crashed the H1N1 vaccine sign-up line at the Cohasset High School on Thursday morning. She was holding a sign that said “I need a miracle” and trying to barter brownies and bootleg tapes for a low number on the list. An officer was called to the scene and agreed to drop charges after being offered a brownie and two tickets to see the Dark Star Orchestra at the Music Circus.

Late Thursday night a resident called to report a suspicious looking coyote peering into this window. Reported a “strange look in his eye” and said he thought he was looking for something “other than Scooby Snacks.” Dispatcher noted this was same resident who called last week to report the meteor, UFO and swingset incidents.

A Cohasset man was apprehended for shoplifting at Best Sports on 3A. He was described as athletic looking and well dressed, wearing two-tone Pearl Izumi bike shorts. Was stuffing neoprene booties into his pocket and reaching for a pair of triflex tights when stopped by Groton, the shop keeper. Man confessed to having dipped into his son’s college fund in order to purchase a carbon pro platinum racing bike and now couldn’t afford the necessary accessories. Said he needed to train this fall and winter to get an edge over his neighbors in next spring’s triathlon. Officer dropped charges after the man agreed to enter counseling.

 

- reported by AgentSS sallysisson.com

 

 

 

Police BLOG

Swingset Abducted by Aliens
Local resident called to report strange blue lights above driveway at dusk. Officer noted that same resident had called previous night to report meteorite. Resident maintained this was different kind of light, described as "swirling and freakish." Officer responded to scene but did not see lights. Following morning resident called to report swingset missing from backyard. Officer reported to scene and filed report. Resident provided police with digital photos showing "evidence" but officer could not detect so-called crop circle formations in yard. Resident believes aliens are targeting high-end wooden swingsets in Cohasset and then selling them on eBay.

Orange Blanket
An interracial couple from Weymouth was spotted sitting on an orange blanket on Sandy Beach. Caller said they were scantily dressed and covered in tattoos. Officer reponded to scene and asked them to leave town property.

Lost at Gym Dandy
A 3-year-old boy wandered out the door of his Gym Dandy class at the Community Center and could not find his mother. Officer called to scene. Nearby shopkeeper described mother as blonde, thin and usually wearing black Athletica or possibly Lululemon yoga pants. Officer and assistant interviewed 23 women in village meeting same description before finding mother eating breakfast in 5 South. She apologized and said she was recovering from drinking too much chardonnay at her bookclub the previous evening. No charges were filed.

reported by UndercoverCohasset392
sallysisson.com