Police chief Liam O’Liam decided yesterday to postpone Wapatusset’s annual St. Patty’s Day Parade due to threats of protests from multiple groups.
Representatives from two local union chapters and a busload of college students from Citizens Against Ethnic Stereotypes arrived yesterday and set up camp on the town green to paint signs. The tone remained civil until Wapatusset’s notorious Crazy Old Guy pulled up in his jalopy and began throwing potatoes at the protestors. Bewildered protestors did not fire back, but police did want to take any chances.
“I just don’t want Wapatusset to turn into another Wisconsin,” said the chief.
“And for the last time, we are not perpetuating any stereotypes here. It’s all good fun.”
The police department’s Dunkin’ Donuts paddy wagon float had already been decorated and community volunteers were already halfway through the keg of green beer when the announcement was made.
The Tater Tot Queen Pageant has been postponed indefinitely as well; stay tuned for details.
- reported by crime and cultural affairs correspondent, Agent SS