Got snow drifts?
Up to your eyeballs in the white stuff?
Can’t find your car? Your shovel? Your wife?
Here are some solutions to massive snow buildup in driveways and rooftops coast to coast.
#10
Prepare a packed "snow shell" for your Camry. Soon you’ll be driving and stylin' in a white Escalade.
#9
Construct 60' high snow Buddha in the parking lot behind local Catholic church.
#8
Build life-size snow monument/shrine honoring Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
#7
Design makeshift snow-melting machine by attaching blowtorches and professional grade hair-dryers to snowmobile handles. (Step 2. Develop explanation for severly singed monobrow.)
#6
Build automated trebuchet (pimped up catapult) and fling snow into neighbor’s yard while he/she is away from home office.
#5
Mass-manufacture snowshoes and snow tires, receive payment in advance, ship overseas, move.
#4
Build a colony of zombified snow Yetis, broadcast loud growling sounds through imbedded speakers, frighten nearsighted grumpy old neighbor (with the over-stimulated and image-challenged rottweiler).
#3
Construct 10 ft. snow wall (complete with corner guard towers) around local drinking establishment (after 11:00 PM).
#2
Start a new diet craze with snow cones. Serve snowcones with sugar-free maple syrup for breakfast, ketchup for lunch, vodka and Crystal Lite for happy hour.
#1
Build mammoth snow fort to home-school neighborhood children on endless snow days.
