Wapatusset women let down their hair yesterday to “embrace their inner druid” and celebrate the longest day of the year in New Age splendor. Trading their J. Crew separates for gauze sarongs, they shopped for semi-precious stone jewelry, soy candles and anti-aging creams at booths surrounding Spritzing Rock Pond. The event, sponsored by the East Coast Yoga and Pilates Hall of Fame and the Chamber of Commerce, drew more than 300 attendees.
Local caterers donated a three-foot-high scale model of Stonehenge, made entirely of Vermont goat cheese. (The originally commissioned tofu Stonehenge was determined to be “gross” and voted down by the food committee.) Radish rosettes and asparagus spears tied into Gordion knots surrounded the mini monolith, creating spiritual vortexes that mysteriously attracted women (and a handful of men in sandals) to the sacred spot.
The Rev. Torrie Pines from the X-Treme Ultimate Unitarian Universalist Church and Cellular Tower blessed the goat cheese masterpiece before allowing visitors to dip into it with artisan flatbread crackers. In his brief speech titled “Feeling Good About Yourself From Dawn til Dusk,” the Reverend challenged onlookers to make the most of the longest day of the year by focusing on their inner and outer beauty. “Today is all about you. Be the best that you can be. The stars are aligned. There’s nothing you can’t achieve!”
He went on to explain how a curious mix of circumstances—including electromagnetic waves from the new V-Mobile cellular tower in the church spire, plus astrological energy shifts and planetary alignments—had created a small-scale “power center,” similar to that of the great Harmonic Convergence of 1987. “California’s Mt. Shasta and Wapatusset’s Spritzing Rock Pond will now be smack-center on the map as the major centers of spiritual energy."
Interactive features included a Lily Pulitzer skirt-burning station, a kaballah tattoo parlor, and free “lip plumping” trial treatments from the Wapatusset Wellness and Botox Center. Glenn Denver, proprieter of Sweatlodge Massage, gave out discount massage and foot detox coupons, plus free “Real Men Do Pilates” t-shirts. The Rev. Torrie Pines, who also works as a part-time motivational speaker, sold autographed copies of his best-selling audio book series, while the Chamber of Commerce handed out free "Sedona East!" bumper stickers.
The afternoon was full of happiness and self-esteem. However, the late afternoon heat and humidity caused the Stonehenge sculpture to droop and event organizers to run for extra St. John's Wort. A sudden rainstorm sent women running to their SUVs—just in time to make it to a summer fashion show and book talk at the air-conditioned local Institute of Chardonnay Studies.
-- reported by spiritual expert Agent SS