I can’t take credit for this headline; it’s from my favorite source of personal ads—the London Review of Books. My husband subscribes for the book reviews, but I go straight to the personals in the back. Truth be told, he does too. Don’t read too much into this; it’s just that they’re a good laugh.
He actually bought me a book of them for Christmas. They Call Me Naughty Lola is a collection of personal ads from the London Review of Books. A bit on the inside flap refers to them as “surreal haikus of the heart.” Some are absurd or self-deprecating, others a bit pervy.
The titles are an art form on their own:
Last time I had this much fun, I was on forty tablets a day.
My favourite Ben & Jerry’s is Acid-Boiled Bones of Divorce Lawyer.Here are some sample ads:
They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill bearded
physicist (M, 46).
Romance is dead. So is my mother, Man, 42, inherited
wealth. Box no. 7642.
In a certain light I look like Robert Mitchum. In a
certain light you look like Kim Novak. More usually I look like Shrek. More
usually you still look like Kim Novak. Yes, you’re very unlucky. Now pass me
the Doritos and get over it. Box no. 3917.
Hi, I’m an intelligent, attractive, cultured,
recently divorced woman in her early forties looking for a man whose maxim in
life isn’t ‘pull my finger’ or ‘smelt it, dealt it.’ Box no. 5022.
Mature gentleman (62), aged well, noble grey looks,
fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society
seeks…damn it, I have to pee again. Box no. 4131.
I’m a Pisces—which makes you and me a bad match, but
how about your good-looking friend? Non-commital, easily-distracted,
fly-by-night F (35). Sorry, I think I just heard my phone ring. Box no. 2541.
I am the hunter and you are my quarry. 117-year-old male Viagra bootlegger finally in the mood for a bit of young totty. Which realistically could be any one of you with working hip joints and a minimum 20% lung capacity. Box no. 3112.
TMG Personal Ads Contest!Valentine’s Day is less than two weeks away. Depending on your age, status and state of mind, this either fills you with the warm-and-fuzzies or utter dread. Kind of like New Year’s Eve. But following the TMG ethos, let’s make it fun. And ridiculous.
Announcing the first annual TMG Personal Ads Contest. Submit a personal ad—or two or three—from yourself, your alter ego, or a fictitious friend. We’ll have winners for categories like Most Pathetic, Most Appealing, Best Catch, Biggest Trainwreck… I don’t know, we’ll make it up as we go along.
Just write something and submit it in the Comments section below.It’s easy!
For those of you who stumble over your words, here’s a nifty online tool to help. My Profile Writer can generate a clever headline and guide you through the writing process. Think Mad Libs for personal ads. Get to it! (Just keep it PG-13. This is TinyTown, after all.)
My Profile Writer
http://www.myprofilewriter.com/form_me.php
p.s. We'll be sharing personal ads throughout February on our Facebook fan page. If you haven't signed up yet, now's the time!
