Your Town Name Here.
There is now a move afoot, to change TinyTown’s name. The Bored Selectman are currently split on the decision. Half, prefer something new, fresh and marketable. Names of this sort, (currently on the town hall white board) include: Celexia, Luvoxia, and Lustralia (not to be confused with the anti-depressant medications – of slightly similar names).
The remaining bored half, prefer a return to the town’s past – back to the name created by the indigenous people who found the seaside hamlet.
That town’s name was originally, Waputasset, loosely translated Alqonquin for – “White Goat on the Rocks.” Some historians suspect that the name refers to a lightly covered goat (or albino sheep) that had wandered on to the rocky outcroppings near what is now known as, Rocky Outcropping. Other historians have traced the name’s origin to the cocktail predecessor of “The White Russian” – but made with goat’s milk and fire water.
This settlement moniker was created long before, Captain John Smith and his band of Wacky Smithkateers, established the first European settlement (and 24/7 convenience store*) in 1614.
Why the Big Hole on The Common?
We have received many calls from town citizens concerning the relatively large hole that is being dug in the middle of the town common. Despite rumors that the town leaders are erecting another Invisibines® wind turbine (bringing the commons total to nine), acting assistant police chief and lead CSI investigator, Liam O’Liam, insists that the hole (measuring 6 feet in diameter and ten feet deep) is being constructed for the town’s Groundhog Day Celebration & Fun-Raiser.
As you may recall, last year’s celebration was halted due to a live groundhog being forced out of a papier-mâché den by a small explosive charge that propelled the startled rodent over the anxious crowd and directly into Spritzing Rock Pond – where it finally saw its shadow – and Lord knows – it wasn’t pretty!
This year, the part of the groundhog will be played by Kevin Bacon look-alike and community theater heart-throb, Wolfe Chittister. In place of TNT, Wolfe will be forced out of the hole by a mild electrical shock, that will be administered through the custom designed collar that will be worn around his neck. Many thanks to the good folks at InvisiFence® for their help in providing both the collar and Wolfe’s groundhog suit – which is constructed out of man-made, fur-like materials.
In addition to dog licenses, all pets will require proper licensing. This includes and is not limited to: cats, birds, fish, reptiles, amphibians and all domesticated livestock. Cougars are exempt from licensing, but are encouraged to “move along” and to avoid loitering around the town common – especially while Wolfe Chittister is practicing his Groundhog Day routine.
That’s all of the news from Waputasset Town Hall.
*the first scratch ticket was created for the first settlement lottery of 1612.