Letters to The Editor

Dear Editor:
As the retired Grand Imperial Marshal of the Speedwell Guild, I was extremely offended by the association that was drawn by your publication, between our organization and the “Creepy Pilgrim Dudes” – living in the woods.

Sure, we also don articles of clothing that reference our 17th century ancestors. Sure, we hold semi-annual weekend retreats and simulated greyote hunts (with muskets that we build from kits), in the forests surrounding TinyTown. Sure we speak only in the tongues of our forefathers and refuse to address events that happened post–1650. All of these, are facts of truth. However this does not constitute us, as being referred to as– creepy.

A full apology is much deserved & expected.
Bradford Stylish IV

R.B.:
Please accept my most sincere apologies. Now that I have a better understanding of your organization, I can see the contrasts between your group, and other such organizations – who at first blush, may appear to have an abundance of overlapping similarities and irregularities.  From this point forward, any reference to the Speedwell Guild, will not include the word “creepy”. “Freaky,” perhaps, but definitely not creepy.

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Dear Editor:

I was born and raised in TinyTown until my mid-20s, when I left to join the French Foreign Legion. Recently, I  returned to town and purchased The Vegan Hut, Natural Food Emporium and Craft Center. As an avid reader of your publication, I have noticed the name, Scrim Shaw, appearing on a fairly regular basis. Could this gentleman, be any relation to Morton Shaw, a classmate of mine from the Bosworth Elementary School? I was under the impression that he had moved to Canada in the late 1960s.

Thank you for your help.
F. Raymond Bob Roberts

F:
Perhaps you were out herding wild leeks when we ran a “Tiny Mind Profile” about Mr. Shaw, director of the Greyote Rescue & Outreach League (GROL) (currently on sabbatical– due to the current greyote hibernation period). Follow this link, which will take you to our archives.

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Dear Editor:
My daughter, Tiffany Lahmp, reigning Queen of the Fall Festival of Leaves, has accepted a senior executive position in the Real Estate Promotion & Promotion Management Office of the Independence Hall Mini-Mall, located in the TOD. Just to clarify, current retail and commercial businesses are being asked to leave bustling TinyTown Center to make room for: The Center for International Studies, TinyTown Online Community College (TTOCC), American Center for Chardonnay Studies, and the Northeast Regional Headquarters for Invisibines® USA.

As a former pageant queen and journalist at the competing, “The Tiny Town Wanderer,” I was wondering if the new downtown district might be “coined”– the Nerd District? This, of course, is all part of a re-branding exercise that I am working on with my daughter.

With this direction, her domain, the Independence Hall Mini-Mall, located in the TOD, would be marketed to “cool” people. Under this plan, we will be encouraging the Lululemon Superstore & Pilates Rehabilitation Center to rethink their mid-town move and to join us “cool” people.

Flora Lahmp, 
Independent Marketing Consultant

Flora:
It is obvious that high school is still a very important part of your life.
Best of luck to you and Tiffany.

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Dear Editor:
With recent advances by Nuisance™ and Bark Recognition Technology® (BRT), isn’t it now possible to host an advice column for dogs, by a dog?

Wolfe Chittister

Wolfe:
Yes, please check out the premier of “Paging Dr. Barkle,” that went LIVE a week or so ago. Dr. Barkle is a real dog but not a medical doctor. He does, however, have a PhD. from an obscure midwestern canine & equine college.

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That’s all for now! Keep those cards and letters coming!
The Editorial Department, The Tiny Mind Gazette

Comments

[LuLu Roche]

Dearest Sirs & Madames:

As I peruse tiny topics on a regular basis, I can't help being reminded of a dear Bostonian who moved to the colonial town of Cohasset. Having lived there in my youth, I know the difficulty a cosmopolitan fellow can face when moving to the "boondocks".

On a recent visit, I ran into "said friend" and was startled to witness him in full Colonial regalia – complete with waistcoat and tricorn. More disappointingly, he was wearing the new Sketcher shoe – designed to firm buttock and quads. Is there anyway, I can diplomatically discuss this faux paus without hurting his feelings? I would like him to fit in – in TinyTown, and not end up the laughing stock he was in Boston.

With much respect and misspellings,
LuLu "the doll" Roche

[Shocked 'n stunned]

Dear Editor,

While perusing my new issue of The Bostonian last night I was stunned to see a clipping from The Wapachusset Seafarer highlighted in the "Constabulary Notes From All Over."

A mysterious note and toy were left at the front door of a family on Bethlehem Rd. Alarmed, the householder called the constable, who discovered it had come from a lonely neighbor child looking to make a friend.

What do you make of this?

Shocked 'n stunned