Spritizing Rock, nestled in the tranquil (and slightly tainted) waters of Spritzing Rock Pond
The Tiny Town Hysterical Society met in quadruple-secret session for the third straight day in a row. It seems as though, the Speedwell Guild has made claims that the spritzing rock, the centerpiece of Spritzing Rock Pond, is the actual Plymouth Rock (pictured below). Additionally, the group claims that the chunk of stone, housed in the gazebo in Plymouth – is actually made from a combination plaster of Paris, Bondo®*, and epoxy paint – purchased from the NASA outlet store.
The Speedwell Guild (an organization of direct descendants to the original Pilgrims) was named after the Mayflower’s sister ship, which twice attempted the trans-Atlantic voyage but was sent back both times due to leaking. The current, acting Speedwell members are showing slight indications that the ancestral pond has been too restricted – forcing undue stress to the gene pool (if you know what we mean).
The Hysterical Society records concur, that the current Spritzing Rock, was secretly lowered on to the town common in 1959, by the then acting water commissioner, Needmore Sudds – who was attempting to control a mysterious leak that was fueling a 20-foot, rust-colored geyser that erupted on a near hourly basis.
The eruptions were so disruptive and damaging, that many of the now, colonial white buildings (including the pristine Unitarian-Universalist-Unicorn Church) – surrounding the town commons were forced (by the hysterical commission), to defer to a palette of colonial burnt umbers. In 1972, the palette was redirected back to Colonial white after the cause of the problem was discovered to be a forgotten shut-off valve that was located behind the flag pole. Miles Broadbrush, the current leader of the Speedwells, claims that a band of indigenous people, dressed as Sons of the Ye Olde Liberty Grille, stole the original Plymouth Rock – also in the year 1959 – and traded it with the Tiny Town water department for a case of Narragansett beer and two bottles of Goldschläger cinnamon schnapps.
It was a similar bottle of Goldschläger cinnamon schnapps that was discover in the Plymouth Voyager, owned by Mr. Broadbrush – that lead Tiny Town, CSI unit director, Liam O’Liam (pictured to the left) to conclude that perhaps the Speedwell Guild was on their way to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (held weekly at the now colonial white, yet still pristine Unitarian-Universalist-Unicorn Church) and had accidentally stumbled into a bi-weekly meeting of the Hysterical Society, instead.
With that said, the Speedwells were escorted back to their settlement, and all criminal charges have been dropped.
*not to be confused with the similarly named, over-hyped, lead singer of a well-known, and popular Irish rock band who's is name derived from a cold war spy plane. Give up?
