Thurs, Dec 17, 6:45 p.m. Middle-aged woman suffered temporary amnesia while shopping
in Smallgreen’s. After appearing to be in “trance-like state” in stationary
position in aisle #4 for 20 minutes, store manager approached woman to ask if
she needed help. Woman could not remember her name, address, or what she came
to buy. No cell phone, could not find car keys in overstuffed handbag. Officers
called to scene.
Shopping cart full with items including: Pet Snuggly, Slim Jims, 8 travel size rain ponchos, a Touch N Brush Hands Free Toothpaste
dispenser, a paper shredder, a PedEgg Ultimate Foot File, 5 Reese’s peanut
butter Christmas trees, 12 boxes of Mike and Ike candies, a Perfect Brownie
Pan, micro-fiber wonder cloths, a DVD of Bonanza episodes, an under-bed shoe organizer, a jumbo pack of marshmallow
Santas, a caller ID device, and a George Foreman micro-grill. When questioned
why she had 17 bags of Ghiradelli chocolates squares, she replied “I’m not
sure, but they were 2 for $5.”
Store manager brought woman to pharmacy area, where she
reclined on a pet bed. After administering smelling salts and a concoction of
Airborne tablets, Prozac, Gingko Biloba, St. John’s
Wart and vitamin D dissolved in Diet Rock Star Cola, the woman came to her
senses and was picked up by family members who refused to identify themselves.
John Dodo (left), Tiny Town public health commissioner, says this is a common occurrence around the
holidays. All residents, especially women, should stay well hydrated (with
alcohol-free, caffeine-free beverages) and carry a high-protein snack and I.D.
cards in handbag while shopping. It is important to always have a list.
Be
sensible about purchases and exercise restraint, says Mr. Dodo. Choose healthy snacks for children, like
sunflower seeds over sugar-filled candy. By buying more and more items for
overindulged children, we perpetuate a cycle of entitlement and disillusionment.
“When I was a child we each got a tangerine and one walnut," he said. "And that was perfectly fine."
The best advice is to stop shopping. Enough already. It's a recession. And if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, it's best to just not leave the house. Have a safe and healthy holiday.
