Caller reports neighbor has wreath and lighted icicles on porta-potty, in direct violation of town by-law. Porta-potty is positioned in front of home on a well-trafficked street. Resident warned two weeks ago (see TMG article) but has not removed decorations. Claims he heard bylaw referred only to “nice side of Forrer Street” and that he resides on the “poor end.” Design review board noted man was suspiciously well-dressed at hearing.
Noise complaint. Woman singing very loudly to “Glee” soundtrack. Third complaint in two days. Officer advised resident to keep windows and curtains closed. Woman reported to be hostile and accused officer of “not supporting the arts.” Cell phone calls later linked to teenage son.
Man called to report 6-year-old son suffered mild seizure as result of twinkling colored lights in zigzag pattern on cul-de-sac. EMTs called to scene. Described as mild case of Pokemon-effect shock; treated on scene and released. Resident issued citation for violation of white-lights-only ordinance within 2.5 mile radius of town green.
Working mother with Martha Stewart complex accidentally punctured herself while speed-knitting afghans on her lunch break. EMTs reported to home office where they treated deep puncture wound and disinfected bloody knitting needles. Woman refused to heed advice, insisting on finishing afghan (“I can make one in 6 hours flat”), writing 2 press releases, bedazzling 3 wreaths, and making 7 dozen "thumb print" cookies.
Elderly man called to complain of excessive bird droppings in driveway. Suspects it was either vandals or a “flock of angry seagulls seeking revenge.” Officer explained it was snow. Resident requested extra patrols.
reported by AgentSS sallysisson.com