“Greyote-mania” was the main topic of conversation on all 3 cable access (channel 29), morning shows.
On “Dewey & Dan,” the cackling pair expressed their disappointment in the shortening of the “Turkey Run.” Reductions in law enforcement and safety officers (due to the ongoing “Collar-gate” investigation and the influx of mobile news crews) rendered the event impossible to complete. Within minutes of the blast from the starter’s cannon, a pick-up truck-borne trebuchet misfired – sending a frozen turkey careening off of the roof of a Channel 6, Action News Team truck and through the window of the Ted & Steve’s convenience store. No one was hurt but the lottery ticket dispenser was rendered useless after feeling the force of a 20 lb. Butterball. Lottery officials are currently working to bring the machine back online. There has been no interruption in scratch ticket sales.
“What’s Cook’n with Berty,” featured a lengthy discussion concerning the possible high school mascot change (Skippers to Greyotes). Despite a 60%-40% TMG poll victory, recent revelations concerning the possible malicious and violent behavior of the breed have caused a pause in the pro-Greyote movement. Berty remarked, “While ‘Skippers’ may be a goofy (and slightly wimpy) mascot concept, it is quite possible that the Greyote breed suffers from some sever anger management issues and bad eating habits.” Berty went on to remark that she did not feel that this would not be a positive image for the children of our town.Speaking of kids, “The Capt’n and Mr. Briquet,” our town’s award-winning childrens’ morning show, did a comedic puppet sketch with “Mr. Turkey & Greyote Gus.” The bit concluded with a scene reminiscent of “Thelma & Louise” – where the pair drove off the road in their extended SUV into a sweet potato casserole, drizzled with melted marshmallows. The sketch also included subtle references to “Dead Man Walking,” another Susan Sarandon classic.
