For the seventh time in two weeks, an unsuspecting drive-thru customer has had their food stolen by a hungry Greyote.
Saturday morning, Pollie Graham had just ordered a Seasonal Squash & Ginger (low-fat) Latte and Tofurkey Breakfast Burrito Combo, from the local Starbucks. During the food/credit card transfer – a hungry greyhound/coyote (Greyote) ripped the white food bag from the barista's grip, and ran into the surrounding protected wetlands to devour the “Combo #7”.
Other Greyote attacks have occurred at 8 of the 14, (Route 3A South) Dunk’n Donuts, located between the Hingham rotary and the Scituate town line. There have been no reported injuries but the number of food bags stolen has increased daily.
Greyote: What is it?According to high school science teacher, Robert Frapples, a Greyote is a greyhound and coyote mix. “Since the 1996 Greyhound breakout at the Raynham-Taunton Greyhound Park, the Massachusetts Greyote population has been on a steady ascent,” remarked Mr. Frapples. “Evidently, there was a fairly large pack of Coyotes at the Rayhnam-Taunton facility, probably of the dumpster-diving variety, who were attracted to the leftover food substances, following each night of dog-racing,” he added. “Obviously, there was some feremonic-energy that brought the two groups together, spawning the first-generation Greyotes that are currently on the prowl.”
A Coyote on Caffeine?
Where Coyotes tend to be calculating and sly, a Greyote is fast (reaching speeds up to 40 mph) and neurotic. A Coyote tends to dine on rabbits, voles, mice and other small animals while a Greyote prefers food prepared for human consumption. Bob Frapples also commented, “We think that there is some associated between the white takeout bag, common at most drive-thru locations, and “Swifty”, the white, mechanized bunny that draws Greyhounds around the racetrack.” Scientists refer to this event as a Genetically-Induced Synaptic Flashback (GISF).
Greyote Rescue League: Fried Dough Testing
In independent testing, The Greyote Rescue League, a local animal rights organization, has found that a single serving of Fried Dough, will almost immediately attract, as many as 14 Greyotes. The research was conducted using Slow-Speed Video Technology (SSVT) and Fried Dough samples provided by Steve’s Fried Dough, a local supplier to the South Shore Arts Festival.
Please Use Caution.
The Tiny Mind Gazette will continue to provide updates on the Greyote Population Explosion. In the meantime, when picking up your drive-thru order – please park as close to the window as possible – without ripping off your rear view mirrors, of course.
